Fail: Bad Mommy Moments

In my pursuit of frugal time and, well, everything else I fill my day with I worry that I am neglecting what I claim is one of my top priorities -- Dave.

For example, I really *want* to read to him everyday. And I *want* to make that a priority. But it doesn't really happen. Sure, we read. But not consistently. Not every day. And the sad thing is he LOVES to read with us. Why can't I just make it happen?

Another example: I want to teach him baby sign. Yeah, that hasn't happened either.

Now they tell me there was no way to know about this, and I did the right thing ... but yesterday morning we ended up going to the doctor because he was SO sick and SO cranky that I thought "surely this isn't just teething." And sure enough, it wasn't. His eardrum had ruptured and the other ear was infection. They say that the drum can rupture not long after the infection has started, and just because that has happened doesn't mean the infection was raging for days. So that's some comfort. But why didn't it occur to me before Tuesday evening when he was running a 100.3 fever that perhaps teething wasn't the only explanation? Is that I just wasn't paying enough attention to him? Was it that I was just thinking only of my needs and my priorities?

When you look at people (and yes, this includes your own kids) as projects, not as living, growing, breathing people, that is what happens. You miss their needs and focus only on what you think they need next in your little project checklist. There's no room for individuality in a people-project, just what you believe should be next on the list.

Note to self: while Dave is a priority, he is a priority person, not a priority project.

Fellowship It Up

I don't think I've really talked about my journalism fellowship on here as of yet. I figured before I post pictures from it (which is what I was just about to do) I should probably explain why the heck Luke and I were hanging out with "Don" Rumfeld.

Back in 2007 I was a major overachiever. This is probably not a surprise to anyone. I knew a multitude of people who had entered for and won substantial sized journalism fellowships with the Phillips Foundation for the purpose of reporting out a single story for a year while simultaneously getting mad hook-ups with the publishing industry and other newspapers that could significantly advance their careers. I wanted in on that action.

But I just didn't have time.

When the drama with my father rolled around last year I felt like I really, really needed to do something to give the family a hand financially -- something more than we could do with Luke's salary. As much as I was enjoying being a full-time mommy/kept woman, I could hear a job calling my name.

But I didn't want to put Dave in full time childcare. I'm not against not seeing him every second of every day, but day care? No thank you.

The fellowship seemed like the perfect solution. If I could land a part time one I could either work with Dave at home or with him in care very part time.

And so I entered. I knew enough people who had won in the past (5 total) and enough about their projects to not only know in what sort of thing the foundation would be interested, but how to write a proposal that wouldn't be ignored. These fabulous people also helped edit my work and prepare it for submission. (Thanks!)

And yes, I won. I'm told about 50 applications were seriously considered, 15 people were flown out for interviews, and 10 people won (two won full time fellowships, seven won part time like me, and one won a smaller prize). Competitive, yes. Impossible odds, no.

My project is titled "Deployed: The Silent Sacrifice for Freedom and the Destruction of the Military Family." Through it I will examine both the reasons behind an ever increasing divorce rate in the military and the effectiveness of military funded programs aimed at stemming the tide.

But I need help. First and foremost, I need people to talk to you. If you or anyone you know has struggled with marriage problems during their military career, no matter why, please consider talking to me or passing on my name. You can remain anonymous. The goal of this project is not to pass judgement on divorce, but to instead explore prevention and ways to keep others in the military from experiencing that pain. I am interested in talking to both current and former military families who have struggled and patched things up and those who have ended their marriages.

Now, back to the fun stuff -- pictures from the dinner.

Dave's First Word

Dave's first word is "bye." Does this mean we leave him too much? Regardless, it's adorable.

Frugal Time: Long Term Goals

As I mentioned before I have been thinking more and more about priorities. Very simple question here: what the heck are they? I mean, I know in theory they are things like "God," "Luke," "David."

But I feel like somewhere on my list of everyday stuff there has to be room for achieving goals, and not just David or Luke or God related goals (although I will say those do have goals within them, too). I think there has to be room in life for actual accomplishments.

The Bible (which, in case you didn't know and are new here, is my guide book for how to do things) is full of examples of people who have and achieve goals or participate in pursuits both "holy" (example: Solomon building the temple) and pretty average (example: David as a master harpist). I figure if they can do it, so can I.

I also believe that goals can test your faith. As long as what you are doing is not against God in that it is evil or something like that, attempting something that stretches you as a person and as a Christian isn't a good stretch of your faith. God can pull you through all sorts of crazy adventures, from missions work to actual employment.

Back, oh, four years ago an example was given in a sermon of some guy who had some crazy list of goals, all of which he managed to accomplish in his life. I'm not entirely sure anymore what this sermon was about, by the way. Probably something to do with faith.

What's important is that during said sermon I made a list of goals. I should've thought the list through more. If I had done that it would have actual goals on it and not things that are so cool that I would love to do someday but are pretty much never going to happen unless I take a drastic lifestyle change -- like landing in a fighter jet on a aircraft carrier (yes, that is on the list).

Other things on the list:

Learn Spanish

Sky dive

White water raft

Learn Sign Language

Build a Web site

Play a Mozart Sonata

Learn to tap dance

Knit a blanket

Make Thanksgiving dinner

Travel on every continent

Own a car

Embed

Swim competitively

And the list goes on. I wrote it July 3, 2005 and I've only really accomplished four or five or the things on the list.

Maybe I need to make a new list.

When I do that "Complete a Triathlon" will DEFINITELY be on the list. Along with a bunch of other things that have nothing to do with learning Chinese (on the first list and is Never Going to Happen because I suck big time at learning languages).

And this brings me to the real point of this post. (I know, it took me way too long to get here). I am doing a triathlon. Or rather, three triathlons. And I feel crazy. CRAZY. Today as I was swimming I thought "wow, Amy, you really are crazy." See? Like that. But the truth of the matter is that this has been a goal of mine for a long, long time. And I cannot quit now, even though it seems like a super good idea. I cannot quit because this is the whole reason of having goals -- that when it gets hard and not so much fun, you can say "OK, God, I had this goal and now that I have no more strength left, I need you.

Oh snap! That's an analogy to the Christian life. Didn't see that coming, did you?

I competed in and completely my first race Saturday. It was a 5k "down and dirty mud run." That is exactly what it sounds like. Running. And mud. Because you don't believe me, here are some pictures.

Rant: Travel

I'm going to go on a little, fairly pointless, rant now. It will probably make me seem self absorbed, egocentric and inappropriately entitled ... but at least I know it.

The subject of my rant: travel.

Act 1 - The big stall in the bathroom: an open letter

Dear Big Stall Users,

All stalls are empty, but when you go into an airport public restroom you bee-line to the handicap stall. I know why. It's because you have a giant bag that, in a few minutes, you will try to stuff into the overhead bin on the plane before the attendant makes you check it. You know I'm right.

Now, your bags would fit in the smaller stalls, but it would be a tight squeeze and not as comfortable. But while you are inappropriately in the only big stall, which, incidentally, also contains the only baby changing table, there are pretty good odds that there are people waiting for you to leave. People in wheelchairs. People with strollers and babies with very stinky diapers. People with very small periods of time in between right that moment and the time that their plane is going to take off.

Think about this while you are taking for-ev-er. Think about this after you are finished (I know you are) and you are simply taking this time to take everything out of your carry on and put it back in a futile effort to make it fit in that plane compartment. And I'll think about it as I change my baby on the bathroom floor, thanks to you.

Sincerely,

Bitter Mommy

Act 2 -- The Miracle of the iPod and the Day I lost It

I bought my video iPod in 2007. It was good day ... a pricey day, but a good day.

And it was only through a miracle from God that it lasted until now. I am notorious -- NOTORIOUS - for loosing my stuff. But not this.

One time it broke, and Apple replaced it because they rock like that. I bought an indestructable rubber case. And that was my secret.

Last night I lost it in the airport. It's gone. Gone and gone for good, in the hands of someone else with oodles and oodles of Lord knows what on it for their listening pleasure. Enjoy the bands I'm not even willing to admit are on their.

And now I'm out several hundred $$$. :::sad::::

Act 3 -- Baggage Policies: a Second Open Letter

Dear US Airways,

When you delayed my flight last night more than two hours, getting us to Seattle well after midnight local time (and after 3 a.m. D.C. time) I was a little ... tired. Not mad, just tired. And when my baby screamed for a good hour plus of that time, I was still not mad, just tired. Mind you, he would've been fine and gone right to sleep if he had gotten on the plane even an hour later than we should've -- but not two hours. So really the screaming was mostly your fault. But I still wasn't mad.

But when I got up this morning after a mere 5 hours of sleep (your fault) and noticed that my stroller clip was busted and a big hole was torn in my duffle bag I was a little mad.

But the clincher was when I looked at your damaged baggage policy. All claims must be made within four hours of the flight. And at the airport.

Are you kidding me? So I land in the middle of the night with a very upset infant and you expect me to stand there and take stock of everything so I can file a claim then and there? No room for noticing breaks and tares later?

Please make this right.

Sincerely,

Me.

Everyday Savings: Energy Recap and Wow!

So remember when I was all "we're going to see how much money we save by being more careful with our electricity" and "I'll let you know ..." ...

Well! Today is that day.

Last month's bill: $71.95

This month's bill: $44.11

!!

We saved that money by simply turning off our surge protectors (and the stuff plugged into them like the modem) at night, making sure we didnt use lights when we didnt need to and turned off lights when we left the room, unplugged cell phone chargers during the day and lowered the temp on our water heater.

Effortless, really.

And almost $30 richer because of it.

Frugal Time

I have been taking a break from the frugal blogging world as I try to prepare myself for an upcoming year of working from home, at least part time.

It's gotten me thinking about how frugality must be something applied to not just money, but also to time (and everyone said "time is money!"). I must be careful about how I allot and spend my time so that, at the end of the day, I have enough left to get/finish everything I need.

Compared to time frugality, money frugality is a piece of cake.

Just like with money, being frugal with your time comes down to priorities and wants/nice to haves/needs. There are things that I WANT to spend my time doing -- watching endless episodes of Friends and drinking lattes, for example. There are things that are NICE to spend my time on and if I tried really hard I could say "well that's a NEED!" -- like training for my triathlon and staying up with the bargain blogs so I can get the most out of my grocery trips. And there are things that are definite NEEDS, like spending time with God, Luke and David (in that order) and working.

But for some reason managing my time is so much more difficult than managing my money. How I use both reflects what I value most - my personal idols, you might say. I was reading I Kings this morning and came across this verse:

"No one else so completely sold himself to what was evil in the Lord's sight as Ahab did under the influence of his wife Jezebel. His worst outrage was worshiping idols just as the Amorites had done -- the people whom the Lord had driven out from the land ahead of the Israelites." (I Kings 21:25-26).

Ahab was one bad dude (I was going to say "bada$$ but that didn't seem appropriate, haha). He killed people. He stole stuff. He oppressed the poor. All sorts of things I would say were way, way, WAY worse than ignoring God. .. I mean killing people is bad!

But God considered the idol worship to be THE WORST THING EVER. ... and if I am spending my assets (time and money) to do things that do not put God first I am doing the Exact Same Thing.

Uncool, Amy. Very, very uncool.

And so I have to stop and ask myself, first and foremost, as I organize my life and budget my time -- is God the thing that gets top billing? Is He -- and is His will -- my top priority? Do I consider Him before making major decisions?

My little junket (OK, major junket) back into journalism is going to cost me a major time commitment and is causing me to make some major priority decisions. I have to decide how to care for Dave during this and what (if any) childcare to use. These are hard, hard decisions.

Sigh.