I'm alive, no really.

I know you may not believe it. But really, I am alive.

I've just been busy. Very, very busy.

After I last wrote I spent a lovely weekend with my sister. Evidence:

And then I went to Ohio for what was really a lovely wedding and a truly, honestly wonderful time had by both me AND Dave. No, seriously, I had a good time. It was warm. And humid. And everyone was shockingly nice. And I kind of want to go back.

Evidence of Ohio:

When I got back, I had approximately three hundred million things to catch up on and do, and didnt even have time for the gym until yesterday. More about that in a second. Among the crazy list of things:

- Write research paper

- Write other essay

- Read part of book for essay

- Design/write newsletter

- About a billion things that I cant remember at this particular moment

And man did time this week fly by. Plus both Dave and I were absolutely exhausted from the whole trotting across the country business (which reminds me: key to traveling with an infant. Limit the amount of crap you haul).

Now, when I finally got back to the gym yesterday I was pleased to discover that I managed to loose 6 lbs in the last two weeks without even trying. Excellent! Sadly this STILL does not mean that my jeans fit. What the crap is up with that?!?! But it DOES mean that I am officially under my wedding weight. And it means that I have 9 lbs to loose until Im at my ideal weight. The real question is, however, at WHAT POINT my jeans are going to start fitting?! For the love.

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Today is my first wedding anniversary. I'm not really that interested in talking about it. But I do want to say ...

Spending your first anniversary alone kind of blows. It is infinitely better, however, when your husband is thoughtful from far away and sends you flowers and calls to tell you how much he loves you and writes you the sweetest email ever. And it also helps when friends take special care to make sure you are going to be OK.

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Baby Dave has been having something of a bad attitude of late, insisting that yours truly hold him all of the time, lest he scream. Not cool. And can I just say how hard it is to write any kind of anything when the baby is screaming?

There are some moments of some days when I think I can't do it anymore. Those are the moments that I feel the most sorry for myself that Luke isn't here ... the baby is screaming, Im exhausted and sometimes a little bored with it all and I remember that I have to keep doing it all by myself for the next year! And then I just have to sit down and cry.

But just when I think my mind may actually explode from it all and melt out my ears and/or my heart will burst God comes through and again and it gets better. And Im OKish to just plain old happy and am able to carry on.

Luke has been gone 1 month today. God has been gracious to me this month -- Ive kept very busy, the time has flown in some ways and I havent been nearly as miserable as I felt I would be this month, all told. Now to take on the next 11 ...

Fat Burning Friday

It's been a week since I posted ... but I've been busy. I'm not sure with what, come to think of it, but I know I was doing stuff the entire time. Wednesday Shelly came into town to visit - so I know what I've been doing since then. But before that? Not a clue, really ...

Except that I do know I was going to the gym. I confess that I did NOT go Saturday and Sunday like I had wanted, mostly because child care was not open on Saturday when I could get over there (in the a.m.) and on Sunday when I had planned to go Dave desperately needed a nap in his crib, not in the car seat surrounded by other noisy children. So I stayed home.

I stuck to my work out all week, increasing my run mileage to 2 miles and doing swims on the off days. I've hit the point where I'm starting to feel like the exercising is DOING something. Today in the pool I could feel my pull was stronger, like there was some new found muscle behind it.

And this muscle could be to blame on the slow down in weight loss. Muscle, I remind myself, is heavy and when it increases even tho you are technically burning the fat away the numbers arent going to go down as quickly.

And thus:

Lost this week: 1

To go: 14

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On Monday I head out to Ohio for a week of wedding work/festivities and to introduce Dave to his midwest family. I'm actually getting quite excited about this and really honestly looking forward to seeing everyone there. I mean it.

I doubt Ill have time to update next week, so this may be the last you hear from me until I've got wedding pictures to post.

Fat Burning Friday

I've decided to start a little blog series to keep on track with my plans for skinny awesomeness. This was inspired by a mommy money blog I read. The plan is to make my weekly confession regarding how wicked or holy I've been regarding getting in shape while Luke is gone. 

First you should know how I roll and how I plan to make this whole exercise thing a success:

-- I joined the Y, a place I enjoy working out that has child care. Enjoying the facility is key to getting me there.

-- I am making exercise and health my top daily priority (after taking care of Dave and Jesus, of course).

-- I am making eating well and self control a priority as well. It helps that I can't eat any dairy because of Dave. Everything delicious is made with dairy. 

So every week I'm going to brief you on what I did exercise wise and give a tally of the lbs lost. 

Here it goes:

I joined the Y last Saturday and went for my first workout Sunday. My plan is to run and/or bike and do weights/ab work three days a week, rewarding myself with at least a mile in the pool three other days. I really really don't like the run/bike/weight circuit compared to the pool, so I basically have to bait myself to do it. If I miss a run/bike/weight day, I make up for it by missing a day in the pool. Wednesday is my day off. 

Since starting Monday I've managed to stick to the plan. I swam a mile Sunday, Tuesday and this morning and ran Monday and Thursday with plans to do it again tomorrow. Since I havent run in eons, I started out with a mile 1.25 on Monday (although that was kind of a joke ... baby Dave wasn't cooperating) and 1.5 Thursday. I hope to knock it up at least .25 tomorrow, maybe more.

As for the weight, I'm not going to 'fess up on the starting number. Here are the stats, however. 

Day before baby was born: Big Giant Number

Monday weigh in: 29 lbs less than that

Today: 33 lbs lost.

Loss goal starting right now: 15 lbs

HOW do they know?!

Evil evil evil. Last night I thought "at what point in time will the day after Luke leaves spider come out?"

Answer: this morning. Giant spider on the ceiling in the living room! Not cool at all.

I think the spiders know when Luke leaves. This is at least the third time this has happened. One. Two. And today.

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Last night Luke called and talked for about 4 minutes before having to go. "Don't worry, Ill call you before I leave the country no matter what time it is."

He called at 2 a.m ... or so my phone tells me. I somehow managed to sleep through it ringing, even though it was right by my head. I have no idea the next time he'll call me. I can't believe I'm such a moron.

Better

A little update: 

Abigail came over and watched Baby Dave while I went swimming -- my first time back to the gym since Dave was born. I swam a mile. It was my first time in the pool in at least 7 months and I am feeling it. 

But it felt so good to rejoin the human race and get my mind off, well, you know. I am good and tired now  ... ready to feed Dave and call it a night.

Sorrow

Unadulterated angst below. Beware. 

I spent the morning doing everything I could NOT to burst into tears every half minute. This was a fairly successful endeavor until we got onto post and Luke was getting his hair cut, at which time I had to go to the car because I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Our last morning was uneventful -- or eventful with the kind of things that fill all of our mornings, or at least have until now. Things like trying to make the baby sleep one.minute.more, cooking and eating breakfast together, checking various sports scores for no apparent reason, making the bed. Rather droll, really. 

Unfortunately it is those mundane things that make up life with a person. It isn't during anomalies in your day that absence is noticed; it is the person's usual presence during the ordinary that creates the gapping hole I now feel.

Last night while laying in bed for the last time for who knows how long with my husband I brain blogged a truly depressing epistle enumerating my sorrows. Those words have escaped me now. Rather than dragging this on and on ad nauseum, then, I am just going to cut it short with this one truth:

My heart hurts.

And the days go by

I had typed up a nice post last week ... sadly the internets (yes, all of them) ate it instead of posting it to the blog. Lovely. 

Luke is leaving tomorrow. The Army, as we know, likes to change its mind and so this last week has been a seesaw of indecision as to the date exact date of his departure. This shouldn't really be a surprise since the last month has been a similar guessing game of exactly how long he will be gone. First it was 6 months, then it was 8 and now it is a solid 12 to 15 ... first he was leaving last Thursday, then it was next Wednesday, then Monday and now, finally, it is tomorrow.

It's heartbreaking, really. I'm trying oh so hard to put on a brave face and redirect my attention to busy things in hope that they will distract me. Yesterday I joined the Y. As soon as Luke is out of the country I'm heading to the Verizon store to get a new cell phone plan and blackberry (!!!!!!! we'll talk about this joy in a minute). A week from Wednesday Shelly is coming and we will watch Friends and go to the mountain and find a REALLY hot dress for me to wear to Callie's wedding and do all sorts of other fun things (in between me working on the next Research Paper of Death ... this time: Paul and his view on the Law. This stuff is dry as... [I was searching for an analogy and Luke suggested "dry and dandruff"] ... lint ... or something. Whatever. I hate it). 

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Baby Dave has been one grumpy kid over the last few days. I don't know what I did to piss him off, but he is NOT HAPPY. 

HOWEVER ...he DID smile at me this morning! For like 1/2 a second. And it wasn't just gas, it was in response to me talking to him. I do, however, think it was an accident because as soon as he realized he was no longer looking pissed off and angsty, he stopped and refused to repeat. Whatever. It so counts. 

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I am VERY excited about my new blackberry. Remember when I was so awesome before and gave it up in the name of saving money? Well, that is so over. I'm going to get it back and this time it's going to be 4,000 times as cool as before. Why? Because my current one is two years old and does not have any of the new awesome things on it. My new one, the curve, will be able to stream pandora from the internet. That means that instead of some lame radio station I don't even like, I can listen to an endless list of commercial free music that I'm fond of. It's revolutionary! It also has the all important camera so we can resurrect mobile photo posting. That's right, you're in for a stream of baby Dave pics like you've never experienced before. You lucky duck.

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I am also VERY excited about my plane tickets to D.C. which I purchased yesterday. I arrive there September 5 and leave September 21. That's more than 2 weeks in my favorite place on the planet. I don't really know what Im going to DO for the whole two weeks (several days over the first week will be spent with the Brooks, several days babysitting Veeka, which leave at least five week days with no plans while responsible people are at work) but I'm sure it will be lovely. 

Activity plans do include:

Going for a run on the mall

Visiting the newsroom with Dave

Visiting friends far and wide, possibly including the Whites, Becca Rowe, Amy R., Shep, etc.

General viewing of beautiful monuments

Eating really delicious food in a LOT of places

Visiting the Aunts, cousins, cousin dogs, etc.

Visiting friends in general. 

IM SO EXCITED!!