One Week More...

... and Ill be in D.C.!

I'm feeling *much* better about this trip than I was a few days ago. I've decided that I really do need to rent a car while in the city. It's just going to make things easier. It still sounds a little silly to me to rent a car to drive 10 blocks, but with the baby walking everywhere is rather unpractical. So driving it is.

Dana has wonderfully offered to let me use her pack and play the whole time, so now I dont have to coordinate finding a multitude to borrow at various moments. That's a relief as well. Now, all I have to do is make plans with all the people I want to see and make sure I get to eat all the food I want to eat (Matchbox, George's, Five Guys, Ebs, etc.) and we'll be set!

Meanwhile back on the homefront, I'm facing a busy week of prepping for travel and, well, general normal busyness. I've got a party that I'm helping throw on Thursday, a meeting all morning tomorrow, small group, Bible study, etc. Oh, and packing. Gotta make time for that, too.

...

I heard from Luke last night. He is having a hard time so we need to keep praying for him. He didnt really elaborate, but I'm sure it's KIA related. I just wish I could be there to help him. He didn't indicate, however, that the plans for his homecoming Decemberish are on hold, so we can still look forward to that. Praise God.

Cry No More

I've spent the last few days feeling like I want to cry, actually crying, or managing to stop crying for a few minutes. It has been this way since my "Four More" post from the other day.

It got worse from there, too. Not only were four more of our soldiers dead, they were soldiers with wives and kids -- soldiers I knew; soldiers my husband worked with side by side every single day. And it wasn't just kids ... it is kids they never even met. Little tiny babies without a daddy anymore.

And so for the last few days I've been caught in a spiral where I pretty much ran around in a bit of a blur doing my errands and cried. A lot. I cried in the car. I cried in my bed. I cried in my friends' houses.

I don't think I've cried that much in that short of a period of time in a long, long time.

It wasn't that I was even crying for me. My heart felt like it was going to just fall out my chest ... it hurt so much for my friends and their daddyless babies. It hurt for my husband who lost his boss and friend and is in a far away place where I cannot comfort or help him.

It hurt.

And then this afternoon I dropped Dave off at a friend's house (I cried on the way there) and drove to the spa (I cried on the way there, too) to use the hefty gift certificate Luke gave me for our anniversary. I was massaged and wrapped and rubbed and lotioned ... and I took a great, warm relaxed nap.

When I woke up I no longer felt like crying.

Next week is in the memorial service for the first group of guys and I am planning on attending.

Now I am praying that no more of those emails hit my inbox -- that not one more of our guys will die over that and that Luke will come home. Soon.

Four More

Talk about a way to make an afternoon absolutely blow. As if going to the dentist isn't enough, try sitting in a dentist's chair during a filling and glancing at your blackberry between fillings, only to find a new notification from the Army telling you four more of your soldiers are dead.

On the other hand, after I read that ... I can't even remember the rest of the filling process.

I feel completely numb from this news. No calls or knocks on my door mean Luke is fine, so we are in the clear (for now). But I feel numb for the other families. I know at least one of these soldiers had a wife and kids. I feel numb because, again, this make it all so much more real.

Three weeks outside the wire. Six dead and eight (or is it nine?) injured, a few seriously.

That just seems like a lot in so short a time frame.

Luke's coffin transporting visit to KAF was the only reason he got to call me last week. Bummer way to get to call your wife. For his sake I hope he doesn't get tasked with that again.

Please (please!) pray for our soldiers and our husbands. They need some serious guardian angel action right now.

Sweet Slumber

Oh sweet slumber, how I love thee.

Last night was the first time several weeks that I slept more than three hours at a time. This sleep deprivation brought to you by Baby Dave, my adorable little boy who likes to wake every two or so hours looking for his paci.

Adorable:

As I was saying, I love to sleep. I discovered this particular obsession while pregnant (who doesn't love sleeping while pregnant?!) when I got a solid 10 or 11 hours every single night. Those days, however, are long gone. And now I'm lucky to get 8 in something looking like a row (though never continuous). And so, while last night was not continuous, it was a total of about 11, all told ... and now I am a happy camper once more.

~~~~~~~~~~

This happy camping, however, may be short lived. I'm headed to the dentist here in a bit for even MORE fillings. I don't need to tell you my feelings on dentists or their tools. Use your imagination.

~~~~~~~~

Tonight: dinner with the small group, where lots of people will argue over holding Baby Dave. Awesome.

Husband Talk

Good news: I got to talk to Luke!

After missing ANOTHER call (this morning ... the fun just never ends) I finally got to talk to him. Unfortunately it was while I was at church and shouldve been paying attention to other things but ... who am I kidding? Luke is the most important. Obviously.

It was so amazing to hear his voice and get his news. Two weeks and three days is too long not to talk to one's husband. And I know it will get longer in the future.

He was happy to report that while, yes, people have died, he has been no where near it. (Praise God!). He has been super, super busy doing Army type duties, including some stuff dealing with the recent KIA (major bummer), but is, other than exhausted, in good health. He misses us. He can't wait to see us ...

And as for WHEN exactly that will be, he has no news -- just some skepticism as to whether or not it will happen at all. The question isnt whether or not he'll be the next rear-d. The question is whether or not there will be a next one at all. Apparently this one could stay the whole time.

Only excepting I KNOW that's not what is going to happen. I've been praying without ceasing and BELIEVING GOD that Luke will be home in December to be the next rear-d. And so God will come through on this. I just know it.

And that's all there is to it.

I am EXHAUSTED ... but sleep is not really in my near future as the people Im with tonight have some visitors in for dessert and .. visiting. Whew. Remind me to tell you a story about exhaustion and Dave later.

Blog Therapy

I am basically stealing a computer to bring this blog post to you.

Shelly and I are at present staying in the house owned by the family we've known for-ev-er and Shelly lived with for a year. I am swiping this computer from one of the kid's rooms ... go me.

I need a little blog therapy. After a fantastic few days in the woods with my family (pictures to come when Im back at home not stealing a computer) I emerged yesterday to check email and voice messages and head down (here) to Santa Cruz for a little grandma and church family time.

On the way down the mountain I got to sift through four days worth of email -- and injury and KIA (killed in action) notifications to the tune of five injured and two dead in that very small time frame. Talk about a buzz killer. Even though I had run away into the woods, the outside world kept on turning and my husband (who I hadnt heard from in over two weeks) kept on being in very real danger.

I cried. Not too long because my sister was in the car and I didn't want to be too annoying ... but it definitely happened.

Putting that behind me (and determining to go to the memorial service this coming week no matter how hard it is) Shelly and I hit the hometown ... a place where Verizon is not at its best. Indeed, my grandmother's house is a big fat dead zone.

And wouldn't you know it -- as I hung out in the dead zone this afternoon Luke called not once but twice (like a good boy -- five minutes after his first try he called again) and left voice messages.

I kept really put into words the terrible pit in my stomach I get when I miss one of his (precious) calls. It's one of the worst feelings in the whole world. And it's not like he was calling from his newly established phone connection at their FOB ... he was back on a (I presume supply) trip to the place he was for several months that is (compartively) repleat with phones. He said he'd try to call again tomorrow. I don't know how long he'll be there.

*sick feeling continues*

Tomorrow we are going to church where Luke and I got married. Like I mentioned before, I dread the questions about how he's doing and where he is and pretty much anything to do with Luke. I just don't want to talk about it.

Other than that MAJOR BUMMER our time here has thus far been fantabulous. We've been to the boardwalk, grandma's house, my beach where Luke proposed (and where, to my Great Dismay, they swept in and REMOVED MY BURRITO TABLE!! The nerve) and so on.

I can't wait, however, to go home.

Best Friend Missing

I'm feeling a little out of sorts today -- just kind off kilter for some reason (is "kilter" a word?). Actually, this feeling has been around for several days, starting Friday or so. Maybe it's because I haven't talked to Luke in going on 10 days. Or maybe it's because I haven't really seen any of the people I normally see in many days (with the exception of Tuesday -- which was also off kilter because of the whole kayak-no-show situation) ... even our Wednesday night home group was canceled.

Either way, I feel ... blah. Lukeless and blah. That wedding yesterday was great, and hanging out with Callie was great - and I so didn't cry during the wedding at all (go me!!). But now I feel like crying to make up for it.

I'm stressed. Again. I'm stressed because we are flying to California early tomorrow morning and I just want to get it over with. I'm stressed over the fact that my hair is falling out because I'm nursing and because (get this) I'm stressed.

I think the start of all this stress is stress about Luke. They've been outside the wire for 9 days and they have already had three combat related injuries in the battalion. No one was seriously hurt -- a lot of broken bones. (And two journalists were involved in the IED accident and one of them lost his foot ... sad). And if Luke had been hurt I would've gotten a call ... but that's not to say he wasn't nearby or IN the Stryker that was exploded and just missed getting hurt. And while I know God is taking care of him I just want him to check in and tell me he's OK and at least several miles from all explosions.

The stress is showing itself as me being stressed about other things. I couldn't sleep past 4 a.m. yesterday. I feel off kilter. Earlier I left a long note on a car in our parking lot after the owner jammed his car door into a crevice on my car. I actually watched him unjam it with a lot of banging, etc. from my window in my apartment. I couldnt figure out exactly what he was doing and by the time I ran down there he had gotten it unjammed and was quickly walking away from his car, got in a different car and drove away. After he was gone I had time to see the not significant yet obvious scratch he left and my car's paint on his (red) door. It was some stupidity to think that I didn't know what he was doing and to just walk away like that when I was right there ... and that's basically what my note said. Then I moved my car.

I would never have left a note if I wasnt this stressed out.

Hopefully this week will help unstress me. (I'm at this still stressed about remembering everything). I mean, what's better than sitting in a hammock reading a magazine with a partial view of my Most Favorite Lake Ever?! (.. reading a book that Abigail recommended that I requested from the library WOULD be better, but the library didnt deliver in time ... or reading the book I was going to ask her to bring with her tomorrow morning but alas she has kindey stones. Again. That's some sort of impressive! I'll live without the book ... but get better soon Ab!!!) And someone else will hold Dave. And I will sit in the sun. And I'll eat fun food. And hang out with my family.

... But then I'll go to church at my home church where Luke and I got married. And that will probably make me cry because by that time if he hasnt called (and he probably won't have) I'll miss him that much more. And then a million people will ask me a million questions about him which I'll have to somehow answer without crying .... and that will stress me out because I'll have to wait to cry until I'm by myself. ...

... I need to go to bed. (after I finish packing some more).